Archive for the ‘Republican Talking Points’ Category
Yes, yes…another day, another incredibly well-executed, painstakingly researched, critically-praised study published that just flies in the face of everything Republicans
blindly promote at the urge of their billionaire overlords believe in.
Ready for the big surprise?
Tax cuts for the rich don’t help the economy. They make the rich richer and promote income inequality.
Well, I’m with you. Saturday night “primetime” scheduling aside, watching “highlights” is painful enough…but you can count on my willingness to suffer to bring you some of the choicest moments from America’s most fascinating reality show.
One could garner a general idea of the all-out-crazy to come just by reading the name of the event’s host: the Family Leader. This is a group run by Bob Vander Plaats, whose main mission in life seems to be using government funding (which he hates, HATES, I TELL YOU!) to oppose same sex marriage. He is also a big fan of slavery: “…sadly a child born into slavery in 1860 was more likely to be raised by his mother and father in a two-parent household than was an African-American baby born after the election of the USA’s first African-American President.”
Yes, he really did go there.
Anyways, lets dive right in:
- Biggest misunderstanding of the responsibilities of the job: Rick Perry, who apparently feels that the Military should be an independent fourth wing of government, suggested that decisions about sending troops to war should NOT be made by “some Washington politician sitting in an air conditioned office.” Perry, for the record, has pledged to use only a ceiling fan when he moves into the White House.
- Biggest misinterpretation of the word “Supreme”: If Herman Cain doesn’t agree with the Supreme Court (specifically, regarding the potential overturn of the Defense of Marriage Act), he’ll just “overturn” them. You know, because the President has the final say on the constitutionality of U.S. law. Oh, that pesky, pesky constitution. It REALLY gets in the way of hating gay people.
- Biggest panderer to the host: Rick Santorum (granted, keeping to form), suggested that “Unless we protect the institution of marriage, our country will fail.” Protect it, of course, not against a 50% divorce rate, but against two guys exchanging rings…oh, the horror…
- Best audition for role of Ebenezer Scrooge: Newt Gingrich, who has enjoyed a surge in the polls of late (mostly because other front-runners have been exposed as flaming trainwrecks), had this to say to protestors who dare to suggest that Wall Street and the top 1% of American income earners are getting all the breaks: “go get a job right after you take a bath”. Because the problem isn’t that we need more jobs in this country, its that the unemployed are letting their hygiene go.
- Best Use of Planned Parenthood as Boogeyman: Michele Bachmann, Evil Queen of CrazyTown, has identified the number one threat to America as Obama’s Health Care Plan because “Planned Parenthood now will be pushing chemical abortion and billing that to the federal government under preventative care.” Oh yes, thats EXACTLY what’s going to happen. The truth is…no. NO! You know what? This is the problem. The debate goes like this: One person says something totally crazy, the other person spends their time attempting to correct the falsehood, and the headline reads “Planned Parenthood: Are they pushing chemical abortion on unsuspecting women? The debate continues…” Better to just pat Ms. Bachmann gently on the hand, and ease her back into the straitjacket.
Ahhh…good times. Ready for 14 more?
If you’re like me, you’ve spent the last 4 years in an absolute panic of doubt and suspicion, wondering, as I have:
Who the hell are the Kardashians? Was Barack Obama REALLY born in the United States?
Because if he wasn’t (and he probably wasn’t, especially now that Donald Trump has been talking about it on the the TV), then he MUST be a Kenyan Muslim socialist, intent on imposing sharia law on the United States and rounding up all the republicans in internment camps.
Of course, he released his “short form” birth certificate back in 2009, but who believed that? How could we possibly take him both at his word, and with definitive proof? Come on, give us something here. I mean, hell, even I have a fake short form certificate. What? You say you didn’t know my name was Max Burly, born February 30th, 1867 (oops, heh heh, that must be the hospital’s typo)?
Deeply respected attorney Orly Taitz, Esq., quickly exposed it for the mockery it makes of us all, shrewdly pointing out that, in a real birth certificate, the father’s race would have read “Negro”, not “African”, because that’s how folks talked back then. Go Orly! That is SO true! What does he think we are, stewpid?
Look, its not like we’ve got anything against Obama. I mean, we ask this of all the Presidents. Remember George W. Bush’s “Certificate-Gate”? Bill Clinton’s famous “I am NOT a Berliner” speech? Reagan’s heartwarming televised reunion with his Pakistani parents (OMG…awkward!!!)? And no way were we letting that Panamanian John McCain into the White House, are you with me fellas?
No, just like all the other times, this is just an honest attempt at getting at the truth. So lets not let this die, people. Until Obama builds a time machine and takes me back to the exact moment of his birth, color this writer skeptical. Of course, then I would need to review an extended series of photos over the course of his lifetime, taken at least once a month…because it could have been any old baby, right?
Hey, did you hear that Obama could be the Anti-Christ?
Just let him prove he isn’t…
Just because I haven’t been posting, doesn’t mean I haven’t been reading. Its been a little more challenging to see the routine slime oozing through American politics, when we are daily confronted with the devastation and sadness of the situation going on in Japan right now. Nevertheless, here are a few recent gems from our dear friends on the other side of the aisle:
- More fun from the state of Kansas: Kansas State republican representative Virgil
PeckerPeck suggests the solution to illegal immigration is simply to get in helicopters and shoot them like pigs.
- Do we really need more reasons to hate this guy? Rush Limbaugh thinks Japan’s natural and nuclear disaster is simply hilarious.
- Oh, this will get us where we need to go: Every single republican member of House Energy Committee denies existence of climate change.
- Robin Hood he a’int: Michigan governor Rick Snyder raises taxes on families living below the poverty line, and then lowers corporate taxes by 86%….because, why not?
- Perhaps taking the abortion debate a bit too far: Nebraska ‘s republican-dominated legislature wants to legalize the murder of doctors who provide abortions.
Ahhhhhh…republicans. Thanks for being the voice of evil in our lives.
So, every year, there’s this event called CPAC, which stands for Conservative Prima-donnas Acting Crazy. Wait, thats not right…its Conservative Political Action Conference, but it is a time for republicans and other right wing folks to attempt to out-crazy each other in their efforts to shape their waaaaaay to-the-right agenda for the year ahead, and throw their loud, obnoxious support behind their pick for the 2012 anti-Obama.
This is always a good time for the whole family, and includes all our favorites from the lunatic fringe, as well as a bunch of mainstream republicans trying to prove their street cred by displaying their inner psycho.
Here’s some highlights from this years’ event:
- Same old story: Keynote speaker, Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann (r-LooneyTown), rallied the feisty crowd with some standard fare – Obama has “ushered in socialism”, his policies are a “moral tragedy” which are “consuming the future” of generations of Americans…blah, blah…meh, we’ve heard crazier from you, Michelle. Keynote speaker, ladies and gentlemen.
- Paranoia Express: Pamela Gellar, everyone’s hero of the “No Mosque at Ground Zero” controversy (extra credit question: now that the 2010 elections are over, how was this controversy resolved? Yeah, thought so…), declared that CPAC had been “compromised by Muslim Brotherhood Activists“. Sigh…want some more gems from this basket case? Well, did you know, for instance, that Obama was romantically involved with a “crack whore” in his youth? So, yeah, thats the kind of panel presentation thats par for the course at CPAC.
- First Amendment not a good one: Ann Coulter, in a Q&A session, defended Egypt’s detention of dissidents and journalists in the run-up to Mubarak’s resignation: “You don’t go around disturbing countries where you have a loyal ally…I think there should be more jailed journalists”. Wow, seriously? There should be more jailed journalists. Not jailed dictators and war criminals…journalists. Crowd reaction? HUGE applause and cheering. Same reaction to her puppy-drowning advocacy a few minutes later…
- Celebrating diversity: Just because its one of the most puzzling memberships in the GOP, doesn’t mean gay republicans aren’t welcomed with open arms at CPAC, right? Riiiiiiiiight. Ryan Sorba, California Young Republicans for Freedom: “I’d like to condemn CPAC for bringing GOPride (sic) to this event.” Surprisingly (see above reaction to anti-Bill of Rights speech), this was met with some booing, to which Ryan Sorba reacted: “The lesbians at Smith College protest than you do. All right? Bring it.” Ahhh, good times, good times.
- And then there was Donald Trump. The Donald was there, and you (hopefully) missed it! He dissed perennial Presidential straw poll winner Ron Paul (ouch, professional reality TV Star/twitterer Sarah Palin takes 9th!!), cracked a few jokes…it was AWESOME…kind of. Dream Ticket: Trump-Bachmann 2012!!!
Oh, just you wait, election season has barely even started yet…
Republicans are an entertaining bunch, eminently infuriating in their ability to win despite the inferior argument, but amusing nonetheless. So, lets take a break from watching those poll numbers that seem to increasingly favor the coming of the apocalypse, and look at the lighter side of our republican “friends”:
- TRAINWRECK – Wow…just, wow…Jan Brewer, renowned liar and Incumbent AZ Governor (r), really, REALLY, struggled during her prepared remarks at the opening of a recent debate. (NO REALLY, YOU HAVE TO SEE). Questioned about her preposterous claim that law enforcement is finding headless bodies in the Arizona desert (made headless, of course, by ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS…OH YES), the brilliant and savvy Brewer refused to answer reporter questions on this quite alarming news…only to come out the next day to recant: beheadings: “That was an error, if I said that, I misspoke.” Ahhh, yes…the classic political understatement… Hey, remember when I said that I was sick this weekend? Well, I misspoke. I meant to say that I wasn’t sick at all. Oops.
- Best Loaded Question – Chris Wallace, Fox News, in his fair and balanced analysis of Obama’s speech on the end of combat operations in Iraq “is it unfair to say that this is a president whose heart doesn’t seem to be into winning the war on terror, no matter what it costs?” Is it unfair to say that Fox News is not really “news” at all, but merely a 24-hour a day right wing lie factory with the only goal being a permanent republican majority in America?
- Dumb-it-Down – Dana Perino, former Bush Press Secretary turned (what do you know?) Fox News Commentator, provider of such thoughtful insights as Obama masterminding the oil rig explosion in the Gulf of Mexico, recently posited the following thoughtful analysis: “The coverage of the growing disconnect between President Obama and America reminds me of some of my single friends lamenting the distance they feel with their boyfriends.” On the next edition of “I don’t know what I’m talking about”, watch Dana compare the Mideast Peace Process to that one time her friend was making out with that one guy, but his friend thought that she told him that–.
- Unhealthy people are degenerates – Tim Pawlenty, Governor of Minnesota, on the sinister evils of federal financial assistance for health care costs — “Federal government’s acting increasingly like a financial drug dealer, handing out tastes or free samples, trying to get people addicted, further addicted. And we’ve just had it and we’re not taking the bait anymore. We’re not taking the free samples anymore.” Better to just let the chronically ill and grievously wounded suffer…they would want it that way.
- God is a very rich man – Joe Miller, yet another radical right wing tea partier that could take Alaska’s open senate seat, in a recent campaign mailer: “So far the Lord has always provided the money in this grass roots campaign, and this time God is going to use you to provide!” And now, on to K Street, where the REAL money is! God’s pockets only run so deep…
- The less fortunate get all the breaks: Sharon Angle, tea party nut-job Nevada Senate hopeul, claims extending unemployment benefits “really doesn’t benefit anyone“…except, she failed to note, for the unemployed…
- Bad Idea Jeans: Newt Gingrich, family values poster boy, ceaselessly stirring up the “Ground Zero Mosque” (neither at Ground Zero nor a mosque) controversy, burped up the following brilliant plan for moving on: “I think the Congress has the ability to declare the area a national battlefield memorial because I think we should think of the World Trade Center as a battlefield site; this is a war.” Because the only things that belong on revered battlefield sites are strip clubs and burger kings.
And now…back to more serious stuff…
Now its babies. You heard me…babies.
It started at the end of June, when Rep. Louis Gohmert (r-TX…ohhhh, it just had to be Texas, didn’t it) took to the house floor to notify congress and the American People of a new threat to our freedom: “I talked to a retired FBI agent who said that one of the things they were looking at were terrorist cells overseas who had figured out how to game our system. And it appeared they would have young women, who became pregnant, would get them into the United States to have a baby. They wouldn’t even have to pay anything for the baby. And then they would turn back where they could be raised and coddled as future terrorists. And then one day, twenty…thirty years down the road, they can be sent in to help destroy our way of life. ‘Cause they figured out how stupid we are being in this country to allow our enemies to game our system, hurt our economy, get setup in a position to destroy our way of life.”
Yes people, fear the Terror Babies!!!
This, from the same lunatic (seriously, how do these people get elected? HOW?!?!?) who declared that passing the Matthew Shepard Hate Crimes Bill would lead to Nazism, necrophilia and bestiality…and pedophilia…and Obama is a “radical communist”…and, and…Democrats want another terrorist attack to pass their jobs bill…and, and…
Not to be outdone, republican Rep. Debbie Riddle from…Texas (sigh…) jumped on the terror baby bandwagon, telling CNN’s Anderson Cooper that “former FBI officials” are bringing her office “evidence” that pregnant women are coming to the U.S. posing as tourists, having babies (who then become American citizens), and then returning to their home countries “with the nefarious purpose of turning them into little terrorists, who will then come back to the U.S. and do us harm.”
(ASIDE: Greatest Debbie Riddle Quote from back in the day? “Where did this idea come from — that everybody deserves free education? … It’s like free groceries. It comes from Moscow. From Russia. Straight out of the pit of hell.)
WHO ELECTS THESE PEOPLE?!?!?!?
Since even the most absurd story can quickly become major news, former FBI official Tom Fuentes (you know, from the same organization that likes to occasionally pop by Texas republican congressional offices with random national security information) went on CNN to tame America’s fear of evil babies: “There was never a credible report — or any report, for that matter — coming across through all the various mechanisms of communication to indicate that there was such a plan for these terror babies to be born.”
Then Gohmert went on CNN to spread the word…and it got a little ugly. Gohmert was “forced” to admit (under Anderson’s Cooper’s “tough” questioning about his FBI sources): “No, I didn’t talk to them, because the point is: when we did the research, we found the hole existed.” Hmmm…
But there you go, trying to use “facts” to disprove something that someone made up to scare people.
Its a losing tactic.