HeffBombs

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Archive for the ‘Tea Party’ Category

Meet Rick Perry

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Lets see…Obama caved yada yada, running toward the center, etc, where’s your hope now, blah blah so disappointed…

Oh, boo hoo.  So, you’re disappointed.  Obama didn’t turn America into a liberal utopia, end all wars, stop global warming and turn nuclear waste into puppies.  So, what, now you’re not going to vote?  Doesn’t matter who gets elected President, they’re all the same?  Might as well just let a republican in because how could it be worse?

No.  It can be much worse.

The current frontrunner in the preposterous freak show running for the republican nomination is Rick Perry.  Rick Perry is worse.  Rick Perry is MUCH worse.

Consider the following items to be embraced by our potential fearless leader:

1.  Global Warming is a hoax.  On the science behind the overwhelming global consensus that the earth’s climate is changing and that human activity is accelerating that change:  “all one contrived phony mess that is falling apart under its own weight.”  Never mind that 2010 was the warmest year since 1880, and New York City was recently evacuated due to hurricane threat.  Meh, best response is just business as usual.

2.  The Death Penalty is AWESOME.  235 Executions (and counting) in Texas under Rick Perry’s leadership.  Rick Perry has been governor for 10 years.  Total number of executions in the United States in the last 35 years is 1,266.  The math:  nearly 20% of all executions in the United States in the last 35 years have been under the direction of Rick Perry.  There have been 273 post-conviction exonerations of inmates on death row.  There are numerous cases of wrongful execution (where an individual who was put to death was later found to have been innocent).

In last week’s republican debate, Brian Williams wondered if the idea of an innocent person being put to death might bother the Governor:  “No, sir. I’ve never struggled with that at all.”  That’s too bad…ask Rick Perry about Cameron Todd Willingham.

3.  The “United” States of America.  Rick Perry in 2009:  “We’ve got a great union. There’s absolutely no reason to dissolve it. But if Washington continues to thumb their nose at the American people, you know, who knows what might come out of that? But Texas is a very unique place, and we’re a pretty independent lot to boot.”

Why such drastic measures?  What could be so dire as to warrant the secession of a state from the Union?  This was a response to Obama’s health care plan, which proposed horrific policy changes like preventing insurance companies from dropping patients due to pre-existing conditions and allowing kids to stay on their parents’ health plans for a few years more…oh, right, and killing everyone’s grandparents…how could I forget?

4.  Social Security is a felony.  Oh, you didn’t know that?  Perry calls social security a “Ponzi Scheme“.  Bernie Madoff received a 150-year prison sentence in 2009 for cheating investors in the Ponzi Scheme he developed sometime in the mid-1990s.  What’s the difference between Bernie Madoff  and a system whereby working citizens pay into a fund that supports non-working, older citizens through the challenges of retirement, disability, survivorship, and death?  I’m just going to stop right there…

5.  There’s nothing funnier than gun control.  Rick Perry’s gun control policy?  “Use both hands.”  Heh…heh…  In May, the Texas Senate approved a bill allowing concealed weapons on college campuses.  That same day, another bill passed without debate to allow lawmakers to carry concealed weapons…ANYWHERE.  Think Perry will veto these outrageous assaults on public safety?  Would you, if you felt it necessary to carry a pistol while jogging?

There’s more.  Much more.

Tell me it doesn’t matter who sits in the Oval Office next year.

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Written by D. Heffernan

September 12, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Republicans continue to kill the team

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Life sometimes gets in the way of the serious political blogging one would like to do in one’s spare time.  Nonetheless, even a cursory breeze through the headlines reveals a litany of republican “whatthef*ckery”.  I’m continually amazed that this group of loons and jackals somehow, time and time again, convince Americans to vote against their own self-interest and catapult them into positions of power, where they are free to do their best to destroy the lives of their constituents, and of this great country at large.

Where to even begin?  When every day brings fresh incredulity, another round of “are you frickn kidding me?”, the seventh exasperated head shaking of the morning?  Here’s some good ones:

  • In a time of budget-cutting on the backs of the poor and disadvantaged and government spending as THE root of all that is wrong with America (finally, we know!), some thoughtful congressmen and our president pointed out that the government could save about $4 billion a year by eliminating some annual subsidies to oil companies (a rather small proportion of TOTAL subsidies to oil companies, which may be closer to $35 billion), including ExxonMobil, THE MOST PROFITABLE CORPORATION IN THE WORLD.  (want to get really angry?  Next time you buy a stamp at the post office, just think…thats more than Exxon Mobil paid in taxes in 2009.)  Senate republicans, who once claimed they would have to invoke the “nuclear option” in response to Democratic filibustering of ultra-conservative judicial nominations of George W’s (“why, oh why can’t we just have a straight up-or-down vote, like our forefathers intended”), filibustered a bill to repeal oil subsidies, because who, oh who, will think of the oil companies?!?!?.   Republicans, now apparently lovers of government spending, and handouts to those who don’t need them.
  • Freshman Senator (and “OHMYGOD, THIS GUY GOT ELECTED?” showcase) Rand Paul (r-KY), never a fan of civil rights, now thinks the Bill of Rights could use a little dicing up as well (why stop with just one of our country’s founding documents, right?).  Free Speech?  Peaceful assembly?  That’s commie talk!  While Paul is no supporter of racial profiling (for shame, what kind of monster do you take him for?), he does feel that the Bill of Rights should be torn to shreds:  “if someone is attending speeches from someone who is promoting the violent overthrow of our government, that’s really an offense that we should be going after — they should be deported or put in prison.”  How about attending a rally of former Nevada republican senatorial nominee Sharon (“Second Amendment Remedies“) Angle?  Or listening to a radio interview by potential republican nutjob presidential contender Michelle (“I want people in Minnesota armed and dangerous“) Bachmann?  What if the entire prison population was comprised of members of Senator Paul’s very own Tea Party?
  • On the lighter side, here’s the republican quote of the week:  Newt Gingrich, on Democrats’ use of direct, fully-in-context quotes from a recent Meet the Press interview “Any ad that quotes what I said on Sunday is a falsehood.”  ………..  Yes, recently announced (finally, right?) presidential candidate Newt Gingrich was busy issuing his “heartfelt apology” (it was the liberal media’s fault, don’t you know?) to the GOP, following a very public flogging over daring to take a moderate position on the viability of Paul Ryan’s proposal to gut medicare.  He has since retracted his words with the usual misspokes and entrapment and misleading questions, blah, blah, blah.  By the way, John Lithgow does an excellent Newt Gingrich.

More to come?  With the presidential campaign season just a few months away, my guess is…probably.

Written by D. Heffernan

June 2, 2011 at 3:34 pm

BOMBSHELL: Obama IS an American Citizen

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If you’re like me, you’ve spent the last 4 years in an absolute panic of doubt and suspicion, wondering, as I have:  Who the hell are the Kardashians?  Was Barack Obama REALLY born in the United States?

Because if he wasn’t (and he probably wasn’t, especially now that Donald Trump has been talking about it on the the TV), then he MUST be a Kenyan Muslim socialist, intent on imposing sharia law on the United States and rounding up all the republicans in internment camps.

Of course, he released his “short form” birth certificate back in 2009, but who believed that?  How could we possibly take him both at his word, and with definitive proof?  Come on, give us something here.  I mean, hell, even I have a fake short form certificate.   What?  You say you didn’t know my name was Max Burly, born February 30th, 1867 (oops, heh heh, that must be the hospital’s typo)?

And now this:  the White House finally released Obama’s clearly photo-shopped (thank you FOX BUSINESS NEWS!), long-form birth certificate.  Nice try, Obama…if that is your real name!

Deeply respected attorney Orly Taitz, Esq., quickly exposed it for the mockery it makes of us all, shrewdly pointing out that, in a real birth certificate, the father’s race would have read “Negro”, not “African”, because that’s how folks talked back then.  Go Orly!  That is SO true!  What does he think we are, stewpid?

Look, its not like we’ve got anything against Obama.  I mean, we ask this of all the Presidents.  Remember George W. Bush’s “Certificate-Gate”?  Bill Clinton’s famous “I am NOT a Berliner” speech?  Reagan’s heartwarming televised reunion with his Pakistani parents (OMG…awkward!!!)?  And no way were we letting that Panamanian John McCain into the White House, are you with me fellas?

No, just like all the other times, this is just an honest attempt at getting at the truth.  So lets not let this die, people.  Until Obama builds a time machine and takes me back to the exact moment of his birth, color this writer skeptical.  Of course, then I would need to review an extended series of photos over the course of his lifetime, taken at least once a month…because it could have been any old baby, right?

Hey, did you hear that Obama could be the Anti-Christ?

Just let him prove he isn’t…

Written by D. Heffernan

May 3, 2011 at 4:57 am

2011 Score: Tea Party 1, Obama 0

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I guess its time to relax and kick back.  Government shutdown averted.  2011 budget “compromise” reached.  The spirit of bipartisanship shines through the land.

And, as the media narrative goes, “In the end, all sides claimed victory.”

I’m still trying to figure out how that’s possible.

Just 4 months after forcing Democrats to acquiesce to extending huge tax breaks for the wealthy, republicans have now correctly identified all of our recent economic problems (geniuses!) as stemming from too much government spending.  Overly-tanned golf pro Speaker of the House John Boehner (r-OH), called for ambitious cuts of $32 billion to 2010 spending levels (mostly to social programs benefiting that selfish, overly-pampered margin of society, the less fortunate) as the solution to righting our Ship of State.   Nothing creates jobs like cutting federal investments in infrastructure and science, right?  RIGHT?  Aghast, the new Tea Party caucus of the republican party forced Boehner to the bargaining table demanding more than $60 billion in cuts.  This was about $100 billion less than Obama originally proposed back in February 2010.

Our line in the sand (yes, I’ve chosen my side, and I’m sticking to it…for now) was Planned Parenthood funding.  After our “final” offer of cutting $33 billion from the 2010 budget (remember, this is more than republicans initially proposed), we absolutely would not budge on around $363 million for Planned Parenthood as part of Title X funding (signed into law by…wait for it…Richard Nixon, ladies and gentlemen, Richard F_ing Nixon).  Republicans insisted that absolutely nothing creates jobs quite like eliminating reproductive planning for women.  Fearing the consequences of a government shutdown, we “compromised” by cutting another $5.5 billion from the budget and allowing a rider to ban funding for abortions in Washington, DC (for the poor…once again, those damned less fortunate!) because thats how much we care about principle.

And both sides claimed victory.

Humor me for a moment.

Lets say you are approached by a strange man who LOUDLY demands your wallet and car keys.  You hand these over quickly, because you want to avoid conflict (even though the man has no weapon, he does seem slightly crazy).  Then the strange man demands your jacket.  Thinking quickly, because its an important jacket and the only jacket you have for your family, you offer the strange man your shirt and pants, then your underwear, socks and shoes.  Finally, the strange man agrees.  When asked by a curious onlooker, both of you claim victory, the strange man because he got you to hand over your wallet, car keys and most of your clothes merely by speaking loudly, and you, of course, because you still have the jacket.

Next up: Another “compromise” on raising the debt-ceiling.  Failure to raise the debt ceiling will have global consequences (bad ones).  According to Eric Cantor (r-VA), House Majority Whip: “There comes at times leverage moments, a time when the president will capitulate to what the American people want right now.”

Ready?

Written by D. Heffernan

April 12, 2011 at 6:29 am

March Madness

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Just because I haven’t been posting, doesn’t mean I haven’t been reading.  Its been a little more challenging to see the routine slime oozing through American politics,  when we are daily confronted with the devastation and sadness of the situation going on in Japan right now.   Nevertheless, here are a few recent gems from our dear friends on the other side of the aisle:

Ahhhhhh…republicans.  Thanks for being the voice of evil in our lives.

Written by D. Heffernan

March 16, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Fun at CPAC

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So, every year, there’s this event called CPAC, which stands for Conservative Prima-donnas Acting Crazy.  Wait, thats not right…its Conservative Political Action Conference, but it is a time for republicans and other right wing folks to attempt to out-crazy each other in their efforts to shape their waaaaaay to-the-right agenda for the year ahead, and throw their loud, obnoxious support behind their pick for the 2012 anti-Obama.

This is always a good time for the whole family, and includes all our favorites from the lunatic fringe, as well as a bunch of mainstream republicans trying to prove their street cred by displaying their inner psycho.

Here’s some highlights from this years’ event:

  • Same old story: Keynote speaker, Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann (r-LooneyTown), rallied the feisty crowd with some standard fare – Obama has “ushered in socialism”, his policies are a “moral tragedy” which are “consuming the future” of generations of Americans…blah, blah…meh, we’ve heard crazier from you, Michelle.   Keynote speaker, ladies and gentlemen.
  • Paranoia Express: Pamela Gellar, everyone’s hero of the “No Mosque at Ground Zero” controversy (extra credit question:  now that the 2010 elections are over, how was this controversy resolved?  Yeah, thought so…), declared that CPAC had been “compromised by Muslim Brotherhood Activists“. Sigh…want some more gems from this basket case?  Well, did you know, for instance, that Obama was romantically involved with a “crack whore” in his youth?  So, yeah, thats the kind of panel presentation thats par for the course at CPAC.
  • First Amendment not a good one: Ann Coulter, in a Q&A session, defended Egypt’s detention of dissidents and journalists in the run-up to Mubarak’s resignation:  “You don’t go around disturbing countries where you have a loyal ally…I think there should be more jailed journalists”.  Wow, seriously?  There should be more jailed journalists. Not jailed dictators and war criminals…journalists.  Crowd reaction?  HUGE applause and cheering.  Same reaction to her puppy-drowning advocacy a few minutes later…
  • Celebrating diversity:  Just because its one of the most puzzling memberships in the GOP, doesn’t mean gay republicans aren’t welcomed with open arms at CPAC, right?  Riiiiiiiiight.  Ryan Sorba, California Young Republicans for Freedom:  “I’d like to condemn CPAC for bringing GOPride (sic) to this event.”  Surprisingly (see above reaction to  anti-Bill of Rights speech), this was met with some booing, to which Ryan Sorba reacted:  “The lesbians at Smith College protest than you do. All right?  Bring it.”  Ahhh, good times, good times.
  • And then there was Donald Trump. The Donald was there, and you (hopefully) missed it!  He dissed perennial Presidential straw poll winner Ron Paul (ouch, professional reality TV Star/twitterer Sarah Palin takes 9th!!), cracked a few jokes…it was AWESOME…kind of.  Dream Ticket:  Trump-Bachmann 2012!!!

Oh, just you wait, election season has barely even started yet…

Written by D. Heffernan

February 16, 2011 at 5:41 am

Buyer’s Remorse?

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And now, we can all relax and enjoy the fruits of last November’s labors…

  • Wowwwww: State of Alabama, Governor Robert Bentley (r-…Christians?) post-inauguration speech, minute two:  “Anybody here today who has not accepted Jesus Christ as their savior, I’m telling you, you’re not my brother and you’re not my sister…”  Seriously, fastest foot-in-the-mouth ever?
  • Here’s to keeping the discourse civil: Yesterday, the new republican-led House of Representatives wasted their time on a purely symbolic vote and passed the cleverly-titled “Repealing the Job-Killing Health Care Law Act”.  Just following the lead of AT LEAST…1 in 4 Americans…who support their efforts.  Can’t get enough of that good old “job-killing” meme republicans have been repeating over and over…and over?  Let John Stewart tear it apart for you…    
  • Taking some time to honor the spirit of Joe McCarthy: You know what we need to improve relations with the Muslim community, both at home and abroad?  Well, probably not rep. Steve King’s (r-NY and new Chair of the House Homeland Security Committee) highly-publicized upcoming hearings on the “radicalization of Muslims in America”.  This will be good…
  • Tea Party relishes new, more civil role in political discourse: Tea Party Nation Founder, Judson Phillips, raises the bar:  “In 2008, Obama even received campaign contributions from Gaza (I.e. Hamas). So where does a corrupt, unpopular President from the party of treason go for reelection cash? China, of course.”  Clearly, Obama is just jealous of the success of the secretive, foreign-funded Chamber of Commerce in catapulting the republican party to victory last fall.
  • No one is more persecuted than Sarah Palin: In the wake of a mass shooting involving a prominent politician, criticism from anyone in the media of Ms. Palin’s use of violent imagery to “target” democratic politicians in the midterm election campaign is “blood libel“.  Criticism of her use of the term blood libel is, of course, simply “the latest round of an ongoing pogrom against conservative thinkers.”  Where does the term “blood libel” come from?  Never heard of a “pogrom?”  Yeahhhhh…thats where we are folks…
  • Michelle Bachmann (r-MN) – unclear on how it works: So, efforts to repeal health care reform running into some obstacles are they?  I guess the next step is to repeal…the President and Senate!!  Oh, Michelle…what would we do without you?

Let the good times roll…

Written by D. Heffernan

January 20, 2011 at 4:45 pm