Idaho: GOP Playground
While hiking in the foothills near Walnut Creek over the weekend, I passed a number of painfully gigantic mega-mansions with sweeping views of the Bay Area, and thought “Those poor people. What they need is a tax break.”
Later, as I watched a man in aviator sunglasses idling his Ferrari (for 20 minutes) outside a sandwich shop while waiting for his wife, I wondered: “Why is that man’s tax burden so high?”
And when I hear a teacher complain about having to bring her own paper to school, and the mice that infest the offices, I think to myself “Why are we taxing the rich so much?”
Thankfully, the Idaho legislature agrees with me.
GOP Sideshow Highlights
What’s that? You say you didn’t spend your Saturday night watching
The Biggest Loser the Iowa GOP debate? But there have only been 113 debates so far! And only 429 to go!
Well, I’m with you. Saturday night “primetime” scheduling aside, watching “highlights” is painful enough…but you can count on my willingness to suffer to bring you some of the choicest moments from America’s most fascinating reality show.
One could garner a general idea of the all-out-crazy to come just by reading the name of the event’s host: the Family Leader. This is a group run by Bob Vander Plaats, whose main mission in life seems to be using government funding (which he hates, HATES, I TELL YOU!) to oppose same sex marriage. He is also a big fan of slavery: “…sadly a child born into slavery in 1860 was more likely to be raised by his mother and father in a two-parent household than was an African-American baby born after the election of the USA’s first African-American President.”
Yes, he really did go there.
Anyways, lets dive right in:
- Biggest misunderstanding of the responsibilities of the job: Rick Perry, who apparently feels that the Military should be an independent fourth wing of government, suggested that decisions about sending troops to war should NOT be made by “some Washington politician sitting in an air conditioned office.” Perry, for the record, has pledged to use only a ceiling fan when he moves into the White House.
- Biggest misinterpretation of the word “Supreme”: If Herman Cain doesn’t agree with the Supreme Court (specifically, regarding the potential overturn of the Defense of Marriage Act), he’ll just “overturn” them. You know, because the President has the final say on the constitutionality of U.S. law. Oh, that pesky, pesky constitution. It REALLY gets in the way of hating gay people.
- Biggest panderer to the host: Rick Santorum (granted, keeping to form), suggested that “Unless we protect the institution of marriage, our country will fail.” Protect it, of course, not against a 50% divorce rate, but against two guys exchanging rings…oh, the horror…
- Best audition for role of Ebenezer Scrooge: Newt Gingrich, who has enjoyed a surge in the polls of late (mostly because other front-runners have been exposed as flaming trainwrecks), had this to say to protestors who dare to suggest that Wall Street and the top 1% of American income earners are getting all the breaks: “go get a job right after you take a bath”. Because the problem isn’t that we need more jobs in this country, its that the unemployed are letting their hygiene go.
- Best Use of Planned Parenthood as Boogeyman: Michele Bachmann, Evil Queen of CrazyTown, has identified the number one threat to America as Obama’s Health Care Plan because “Planned Parenthood now will be pushing chemical abortion and billing that to the federal government under preventative care.” Oh yes, thats EXACTLY what’s going to happen. The truth is…no. NO! You know what? This is the problem. The debate goes like this: One person says something totally crazy, the other person spends their time attempting to correct the falsehood, and the headline reads “Planned Parenthood: Are they pushing chemical abortion on unsuspecting women? The debate continues…” Better to just pat Ms. Bachmann gently on the hand, and ease her back into the straitjacket.
Ahhh…good times. Ready for 14 more?
GOP: Government Spending Creates Jobs!!
Was that a pig flying overhead?
Did you hear the news? In an abrupt about-face, republicans confess that Government Spending does, in fact, create jobs! Wow, after all that back-and-forth, right? After all that tooth-and-nail, no compromise, tax cuts are the only route to job growth BS. Now we can finally get some things passed!
Oh right.
So, it turns out only government spending on defense is included in this epiphany. Any other government spending – unemployment benefits, job training programs, education – does absolutely nothing to create jobs.
Why the sudden interest? Have you heard of the Debt-reduction Super-Committee? Its a bipartisan group of congressmen (and women) tasked with reducing government borrowing by $1.5 trillion or more over the next ten years. If agreement isn’t reached by the November 23rd deadline, across-the-board cuts of $1.2 trillion will automatically trigger, with the lion’s share taken out of defense and medicare. Democrats on the committee have offered a combination of (about 2/3) spending cuts and (about 1/3) revenue increases, far to the right of other bipartisan plans. Republicans have offered a combination of spending cuts and…that’s it. 100% spending cuts…just not to defense. Because THAT leads to job loss.
Ahhhh…hypocrisy.
It reminds me of the republican screaming about Obama’s stimulus package: how it will ruin the country, how it was nothing but a failure in the end, and, according to former GOP Presidential front-runner Rick Perry, didn’t create one job. Never mind that the stimulus actually did create lots and lots of jobs: somewhere between 1 million and 2.9 million as of last June, according to the non-partisan (unless you’re a republican) Congressional Budget Office. Its true, these numbers are disappointing when compared with Obama’s rosy, pre-Stimulus predictions, and they are certainly not enough to right the economy, with the unemployment rate still hanging tough at 9.0%. Maybe it wasn’t big enough.
Oh, right…the hypocrisy. Well, after vilifying it and the President, then voting against it, these same republican congressmen were secretly reveling in its benefits, begging Obama to divert Stimulus funds to their districts, and shooting photo ops of stimulus-funded projects in their home states…
Well, at least we can finally agree on something. Cutting government spending will lead to job loss.
Now, any bright ideas for increasing revenues?
Nobody’s Hero: Meet Rick Santorum
Hey, he won the Pennsylvania Straw Poll last month..that’s something. Just because Herman Cain is getting all the attention right now (did you hear? He has a secret plan to help the poor!), doesn’t mean we can’t ridicule this jackass, right.
We’ve seen this cast member of America’s most entertaining reality show the GOP presidential race before. You may remember that he lost his Senate re-election campaign in 2006 by the LARGEST MARGIN EVER. Undaunted, he’s baaaaack…joining the “Surely, SOMEONE on this stage can beat Obama” festivities that light up our screens every week.
Like many of our other “No, I’m the craziest” favorites – Michelle Bachmann, Herman Cain – its hard to know where to begin with this guy. But lets just dive right in:
- Condoms are evil! As self-deluded leader of America’s morality, Santorum’s top legislative priority is jobs…no, that’s not it. Oh right, its sex (OH NO! RUN!), specifically “the dangers of contraception” – keeping Americans from having it unless they are having babies. Birth control, is, apparently, a “license to do things in a sexual realm“…I can’t even think of how to make that sound more funny than it already is.
- Gay marriage will bring the apocalypse! Continuing in his passionate fight for issues that don’t matter, Rick Santorum has pledged to “die on that hill” in the battle to “save” traditional marriage. Just to reiterate, Rick Santorum is willing to die…not to defend our nation from foreign invasion, not to save an old lady from getting hit by a car…so two guys can’t marry each other.
- Hate brings out the vote! So, the republicans’ tireless obsession with illegal immigrants hasn’t exactly won them a lot of support among Hispanics in this country. But Rick Santorum knows what to do: Unite them in a crusade against gays! Because if its one thing that brings people together, its hating other people.
- We have to defend the private jet owners of America! When President Obama suggested ending a tax break for owners of corporate jets, Rick Santorum went ballistic. “Ugly”, “divisive”, and “acrimonious” was how he described
his own hate-filled crusade against gaysObama’s idea that we can fund just a few more of our priorities by asking this very small constituency to pay a bit more to enjoy the benefits of federally-funded air traffic control. Important note: Rick Santorum has never looked in a mirror.
- Saturday Night Live is mean! Poor little Ricky! I guess that when a long-running satirical show performs a sketch that pokes fun at a bigoted knucklehead who is attempting to foster a culture of hate and fear in our society, its called “bullying“.
So many fruitcakes, so little time. Who will be eliminated? Will there be alliances, betrayals? Who will get the final rose? I’m waiting for that night on the town, when one of them gets really, really drunk and it teaches us all a lesson about friendships and personal issues. And, the big question: who will Snooki sleep with?
Wrong show? Think again.
Stay tuned.
Meet Herman Cain
The frontrunner for the GOP presidential nod has changed yet again. Governor Rick “I can too debates!” Perry is last week’s news (so soon? Awwww, say it a’int so!). As if his actual policies weren’t enough to dissuade voters, Perry’s recent debate performance really killed it for him. Consider the following example of dazzling wordplay (brace yourself!):
“I think Americans just don’t know sometimes which Mitt Romney they’re dealing with. Is it the Mitt Romney that was on the side of, against the Second Amendment before he was for the Second Amendment? Was it, was before, he was before the social programs from the standpoint of – he was for standing up for Roe versus Wade before he was against first Roe versus Wade? Him, he was for Race to the Top. He’s for ‘ObamaCare’ and now he’s against it. I mean, we’ll wait until tomorrow and, and, and see which Mitt Romney we’re really talking to tonight.”
Yes, lets wait until tomorrow to see who we’re talking to…tonight…idiot.
Now, republicans have a new favorite nutjob (besting Mitt Romney by a staggering 27% to 23%): Godfather’s Pizza-magnate former Herman Cain. Don’t know the name? Maybe because he’s never held political office. Oh, where do we begin with this guy?
- Energy policy: Herman Cain’s common-sense solution to the problem of illegal immigration? A twenty-foot high electrified border fence, with U.S. troops patrolling it. How about land mines? Maybe a moat with alligators? Heh …just kidding, he would never have said that…oh, right.
- Video Game policy: By now, you’ve probably heard of Mr. Cain’s “9-9-9” tax plan. wherein, to summarize, the poor pay more taxes and the rich pay less. What you may not have heard, is that this “radical new idea” came from the default setting in the video game “SimCity 4”. Hey, have you heard about Cain’s new zombie-killing policy?
- Employment policy: If you don’t live under a rock, you may have heard that a small protest in Manhattan dubbed “Occupy Wall Street” has ballooned into a global movement against economic inequality. When asked his thoughts on some of the frustrations that may have led people to participate in these events, Cain responded: “If you don’t have a job and you’re not rich, blame yourself!” Apparently, there are at least 31 million extremely high-paying job openings right now. Who knew? And those are just for the currently unemployed, of course. Imagine how many more highly lucrative job openings there are for those if us who are already working! All we have to do is try a little bit harder…
- Recycling Policy: Although, in his own words, Cain has “no idea” how his 9-9-9 policy would actually work, what he does know is that taxes will go up on most goods…but not used goods. Therefore…(ready?)…poor people, struggling with rising food costs, should strongly consider “used goods”. Like…used food…for example. Just as good.
Thank you republicans…keep ’em coming.
They make me laugh…but also cry a bit. If only one of these weirdos didn’t have a real chance of winning next year. “The other guy is crazy” election strategy may not be enough.
Lets get ‘er done.
UPDATE: Did you know that “a liberal court” killed Jesus? Well, Herman Cain sure does. Man, those uppity liberals, right?
Republican Governors at play
Its deadlock in DC. Republicans refuse to consider any legislation that will help the American economy, and hold the debt ceiling hostage to massive budget cuts with zero revenue increases. Democrats and the President continue to “compromise” by moving farther and farther to the right…from a strong center-right starting point. Across the country, however, republicans are hard at work making the United States a less and less desirable place to live…but a great place to run a corporation:
- Keeping our drinking establishments safe: What we really need to get America back on track is a way of life that more closely resembles the HBO series “Deadwood”. Ohio Governor signs bill allowing guns in bars. Firearms and alcohol…is there a better mix?
- Our way or the highway (gets closed, due to lack of funds): Much like their brethren in Washington, republicans in Minnesota have taken the emminently reasonable stance that negotiating with Democrats on filling a budget shortfall means republicans get everything they want: 100% budget cuts, zero new revenues. Because, if you’re starving, rather than attempt to acquire food, you should just try to lose weight, right? Anyhow, the government of Minnesota has now shutdown – all parks closed, no more “non-essential” government services (you know, like community services for victims of sexual assault and domestic violence), and more than 20,000 layoffs (good for the economy!)… Just imagine the fun with a Federal shutdown! Can’t wait? Yeah, me too.
- Kansas – a great place to be a woman: Republicans have long been defenders of the rule of law, except for those they don’t agree with…like Roe v. Wade. Newly elected Kansas governor Sam Brownback has been busy denying the legitimacy of the Supreme Court by shutting down clinics that provide abortions all over the state. By enacting a new law giving clinics 7 days to comply with amazingly strict new regulations, Kansas is now down to a single clinic…yes, 1 clinic, 1.5 million women…seems fair, right?
- Gas Yes, Brains No!: Pennsylvania Governor Tom Corbett and his legislative minions passed a draconian budget slashing $280 million from Medicaid benefits (which translates to $425 million with federal matching), and a staggering $863 million from higher education. Once again, zero new revenues, solving budget shortfalls by going after the poor, the sick…and the smart (on the upside, more future republican voters!). Did you know that Pennsylvania is the only state NOT to tax companies that drill for natural gas? Did you know that Tom Corbett’s campaign received $450,000 from Chesapeake Energy in 2004? Yeah….
Ugh.
And yet, sometimes there is that oh-so-rare, refreshingly-sweet, taste of victory, something that makes the very souls of coal-blooded, self-righteous republican recoil and wither…New York just made same sex marriage legal. Maybe, just maybe, we’ll actually witness here a shift in a seemingly unmoveable world view amongst the increasingly-elusive rational republican…just ask David Frum (former George W. Bush speechwriter), who penned the amazingly humble “I was wrong about same-sex marriage“…see kids, miracles DO happen.
Now we just need some more.
Republicans continue to kill the team
Life sometimes gets in the way of the serious political blogging one would like to do in one’s spare time. Nonetheless, even a cursory breeze through the headlines reveals a litany of republican “whatthef*ckery”. I’m continually amazed that this group of loons and jackals somehow, time and time again, convince Americans to vote against their own self-interest and catapult them into positions of power, where they are free to do their best to destroy the lives of their constituents, and of this great country at large.
Where to even begin? When every day brings fresh incredulity, another round of “are you frickn kidding me?”, the seventh exasperated head shaking of the morning? Here’s some good ones:
- In a time of budget-cutting on the backs of the poor and disadvantaged and government spending as THE root of all that is wrong with America (finally, we know!), some thoughtful congressmen and our president pointed out that the government could save about $4 billion a year by eliminating some annual subsidies to oil companies (a rather small proportion of TOTAL subsidies to oil companies, which may be closer to $35 billion), including ExxonMobil, THE MOST PROFITABLE CORPORATION IN THE WORLD. (want to get really angry? Next time you buy a stamp at the post office, just think…thats more than Exxon Mobil paid in taxes in 2009.) Senate republicans, who once claimed they would have to invoke the “nuclear option” in response to Democratic filibustering of ultra-conservative judicial nominations of George W’s (“why, oh why can’t we just have a straight up-or-down vote, like our forefathers intended”), filibustered a bill to repeal oil subsidies, because who, oh who, will think of the oil companies?!?!?. Republicans, now apparently lovers of government spending, and handouts to those who don’t need them.
- Freshman Senator (and “OHMYGOD, THIS GUY GOT ELECTED?” showcase) Rand Paul (r-KY), never a fan of civil rights, now thinks the Bill of Rights could use a little dicing up as well (why stop with just one of our country’s founding documents, right?). Free Speech? Peaceful assembly? That’s commie talk! While Paul is no supporter of racial profiling (for shame, what kind of monster do you take him for?), he does feel that the Bill of Rights should be torn to shreds: “if someone is attending speeches from someone who is promoting the violent overthrow of our government, that’s really an offense that we should be going after — they should be deported or put in prison.” How about attending a rally of former Nevada republican senatorial nominee Sharon (“Second Amendment Remedies“) Angle? Or listening to a radio interview by potential republican
nutjobpresidential contender Michelle (“I want people in Minnesota armed and dangerous“) Bachmann? What if the entire prison population was comprised of members of Senator Paul’s very own Tea Party? - On the lighter side, here’s the republican quote of the week: Newt Gingrich, on Democrats’ use of direct, fully-in-context quotes from a recent Meet the Press interview “Any ad that quotes what I said on Sunday is a falsehood.” ……….. Yes, recently announced (finally, right?) presidential candidate Newt Gingrich was busy issuing his “heartfelt apology” (it was the liberal media’s fault, don’t you know?) to the GOP, following a very public flogging over daring to take a moderate position on the viability of Paul Ryan’s proposal to gut medicare. He has since retracted his words with the usual misspokes and entrapment and misleading questions, blah, blah, blah. By the way, John Lithgow does an excellent Newt Gingrich.
More to come? With the presidential campaign season just a few months away, my guess is…probably.