BOMBSHELL: Obama IS an American Citizen

If you’re like me, you’ve spent the last 4 years in an absolute panic of doubt and suspicion, wondering, as I have:  Who the hell are the Kardashians?  Was Barack Obama REALLY born in the United States?

Because if he wasn’t (and he probably wasn’t, especially now that Donald Trump has been talking about it on the the TV), then he MUST be a Kenyan Muslim socialist, intent on imposing sharia law on the United States and rounding up all the republicans in internment camps.

Of course, he released his “short form” birth certificate back in 2009, but who believed that?  How could we possibly take him both at his word, and with definitive proof?  Come on, give us something here.  I mean, hell, even I have a fake short form certificate.   What?  You say you didn’t know my name was Max Burly, born February 30th, 1867 (oops, heh heh, that must be the hospital’s typo)?

And now this:  the White House finally released Obama’s clearly photo-shopped (thank you FOX BUSINESS NEWS!), long-form birth certificate.  Nice try, Obama…if that is your real name!

Deeply respected attorney Orly Taitz, Esq., quickly exposed it for the mockery it makes of us all, shrewdly pointing out that, in a real birth certificate, the father’s race would have read “Negro”, not “African”, because that’s how folks talked back then.  Go Orly!  That is SO true!  What does he think we are, stewpid?

Look, its not like we’ve got anything against Obama.  I mean, we ask this of all the Presidents.  Remember George W. Bush’s “Certificate-Gate”?  Bill Clinton’s famous “I am NOT a Berliner” speech?  Reagan’s heartwarming televised reunion with his Pakistani parents (OMG…awkward!!!)?  And no way were we letting that Panamanian John McCain into the White House, are you with me fellas?

No, just like all the other times, this is just an honest attempt at getting at the truth.  So lets not let this die, people.  Until Obama builds a time machine and takes me back to the exact moment of his birth, color this writer skeptical.  Of course, then I would need to review an extended series of photos over the course of his lifetime, taken at least once a month…because it could have been any old baby, right?

Hey, did you hear that Obama could be the Anti-Christ?

Just let him prove he isn’t…